Friendship column on May 4

n 1933 Church Women United started celebrating a May Friendship Day. It promotes ‘creative and healing relationships.” I find it an excellent idea. Recently, I officiated at a funeral where a gentleman recalled a friendship that spanned an adult lifetime. We don’t give the value of friendship its due, maybe especially in this facebook age of “friending” and “de-friending” bare acquaintances. I speak of the family as the crucible of our lives. Surely friendship deserves a similar designation. Other than the binding nature of inheritance, what we say of family often applies to friendship. Some of our most cherished memories are with friends. Big events, such as going on a crusie or a trip, often seem more meaningful when celebrated with good friends. Indeed, so many important memories are tied to the presence of friends. We often say opposites attract, and that does apply to friends too I suppose, Yet, I see friendship as born of affinities more than differences. The ties that bind are shared perspectives or traits, and they are cemented by common experiences. Men will sometimes consider marriage when they find a relationship where the woman seems much superior to them, and somehow still like them, somehow seem interested. (the male ego is a fragile thing indeed.) We use sports metaphors, such as “she’s out of my league” or my favorite, “you really outkicked the coverage.” At times, friendship breaks the boundaries of gender, class, career and grow in time. think of the biblical friendship of David and Jonathan. We get a bit of a vicarious thrill when we are friends with someone we consider superior. I am grateful that we don;t feel superior to our friends, even when society would note the social divisions that usually prevent relationships. friendship, in the end, bespeaks equality, an equality that blurs and bends the boundaries we struggle to defend. As graduations approach, I go back to the passage read at our graduation from seminary. We read from John 15: 15 where Jesus says that he calls them disciples, students, no longer, but friends. It continues to astonish me. The Incarnate One calls us friends. Maybe more astounding, Jesus calls me, me, a friend. the very thought washes over me in a vicarious wave of respect. rodney Dangerfield was such a longstanding hit, because, as Jack Benny told him, he had struck a universal chord. At one time or another, everyone feels unrecognized and disrespected. The hole in the soul is answered in Jesus, who wishes to befriend us. How do you imagine we can reciprocate that offer of friendship. When have you lived out the hymn, What a Friend we Have in Jesus? Arnold Gasow said that “ a friend never gets in your way unless you’re going down.” that sense of loyalty and commitment is at its heart. Camus noted that he may not be willing to follow ro to lead, so he pleaded that one “walk beside him and be his friend.” the later 20th century philosopher, Bruce Springsteen sings “I’ll wait for you/should I fall behind, wait for me.” Every relationship requires nurture and care. I have always disliked the common phrase that they need work, as it makes a relationship sound like a work project, or heaven forfend, a “honey-do list.” Some friendships live with the Christmas card and e-mail. Others require a call, and some require presence, a meeting.Use this friendship day to go over friendships. Who were your first friends? As Emerson noted, how has “the choir of friends over time periods” changed? Have you held on to some friendships throughout life? Do you regret losing some friendships. How have you coped with the death of friends? Recall, say five, friendship highlight reels. What puts your friendships to the acid test? Where and when have you been grateful for the presence and acts of friends?