It happened again. I was at a gathering and someone uttered a fairly common excretory vulgarity. She said, oh no, I am so sorry I forgot you were a preacher. I wonder when being religious became synonymous with speaking in an effete, or at least, civil manner? Perhaps, some of it came about by an easy linkage of vulgar language to the commandment on respecting the name of the Lord. So, the social force of being polite was joined to a religious prohibition.What I do not grasp is that people will have little compunction about sharing “mortal” sins but apologize only for being vulgar.
On Memorial Day, of all times, supporters of different candidates mixed it up, not in debating positions, but in displays of trash yelling and throwing things that make a preschool look like a model of adult behavior.
On NPR, I heard a report where 65 year old people were interviewed. One of the things they regretted about american life during their years was that our culture has become much more coarse, vulgar, uncivil.Watch a child view a program from the fifties and hear them snort with laughing derision.
Part of the issue is the levelling of the distinction between private and public. Its symbol is the insistence on using first names as some sign of intimacy and equality.When I was a child, my mother had strict standards about how one acted in public. She saw the private sphere as a place to relax, but one should be on best behavior in public.When the distinction breaks down, then the message is that we do not have to be concerned about being in public to keep some modicum of social order and respect. Social media exemplifies this turn as it has become a forum for the insult and labels liberally applied to any hint of disagreement. It is a megaphone for mere preference instead of considered opinion.With that decline, shame as a social tool has faded. Look at what people will be willing to flaunt in public instead of seeking to hide behind a shameful secret.
Authenticity became a primary virtue. It seems to be linked to being informal and casual. It may be perceived to be a virtue as it takes a stand against societal expectation and norms.What it has become is an excuse to be impolite. So people yell for effect, utter slurs freely and maintain that “I am just be honest.” Being informal has taken on the status of a social rule, not formality. So, we have Mr. Trump’s being a vulgarian as some sort of proof that he speaks authentically.Compare him to three Illinois Senators: Everett Dirksen, Charles Percy, and Paul Simon.
Sometime during my increasingly ancient adulthood, hypocrisy became a primary sin in the eyes of many. I wish to give hypocrisy some muted cheers. While it does reek of “do as I say, not as I do,” it at least has a perceived standard of quality.When asked if someone may be frank, that always means a criticism is coming. Have that question ever preceded a compliment? Being formal has gotten linked to be hypocritical somehow. A measure of formality protects social interaction. Years ago, Lyndon Johnson instructed new Senators in this way. “If you think a fellow Senator is stupid, say the distinguished Senator from Kentucky. If you know him say the most able and learned distinguished senator from Kentucky.”
We can do better. I am not referring to walking around with rules of etiquette as commands. I am asking that we have some notion of etiquette, decorum, and good manners as professions of basic human courtesy and respect.
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