The new movie, Her, received some Academy Award
nominations this week. I am not the biggest science fiction fan in the world,
but I do like when it makes a space for issues to be examined in a different
arena. So, I was taken with the new move, Her, recently. Basically, it is the
story of a depressed man having a rebound relationship with a voice of an
artificial intelligence computer program. Yes, it’s creepy, but once you get
past that unease, it is a meditation on relationship. The old movie AI asked about
the love of an artificial being for humans and if that love could be returned.
This movie examines the relationship itself. The beautiful actress Scarlett
Johansson desires kudos for carrying the dialogue with only her voice. That
voice itself is an interesting test, so please check on your response to it in
its different moods.
It is a sly commentary on our frequent noticing
that two people at a romantic dinner are both on their cell phones. People in
the movie find more solace in a relationship with a voice on their computer
than in the people yearning for human connection all around them. Watch the
reaction if you claim that Facebook friends are often more important to you
than the friends you see regularly.
The book of Genesis makes it clear that we are
made for relationship. it also makes clear that relationships carry the seeds
of breakdown within them. In other words, we are social creatures, even if we
are introverted. Indeed introverts crave a deeper intimacy that the more
surface engagements of extroverts. In the movie, the male lead carries the same
baggage with him in the artificial relationship as in previous relationships.
Quickly they play the relationship game of
distance and pursuit. The disembodied voice finds him distant. He denies it,
but pulls away further. The dance of relationship is a fairly constant movement
of closeness and distance. Trouble occurs when we lose the steps and remain so
cl9ose that we feel fused or suffocated, or so distant that it feels that the
hold is broken. In our time, with all of the self-help books and therapies, we
seem to know less of the steps of the dance of intimacies. The male is as
clueless as the program about the steps to take. further, it often happens that
one partner desires a close dance, but the other partner prefers a looser hold.
That negotiation often is frustrating as we usually have poor skills in dealing
with conflicts.
It has been said that men prefer a relationship
to stay the same, especially in its placid, accepting phase. it is said that
women start a project. The movie opened my eyes to a flaw in the male
preference. one of the reason many of us prefer a relationship to remain stable
is fear that the other party will grow past us. Men often take real pride in
marrying up, where the woman is clearly superior in looks, intelligence, and
almost automatically, maturity. Growth in her is a signal that she is growing
even further past us. So the doubts emerge that we are inadequate to the
relationship. Since a sense of competence is important to males, then that
forced hint of not measuring up causes all manner of troubles. In other
words, fear of being left behind may lie at the center of males wishing a
relationship to remain fairly fixed.
for me, the arts give me a different perspective on our shared human experience. Science fiction gives us a safe remove to examine some facets of life. This time, it takes a computer to cast light on human failings and
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