Father's Day lacks the cachet of Mother's day. We don't see the agony of gift choice for Father's Day that we do for its companion holiday. On average, Father's day gifts are $35 less than what is spent on Mother's day. That explains the ties that disappear from store shelves.Contemporary fathers have a tough road. With social patterns of old slipping away, it is not clear to many of us what it means to be a father. We are drawing up the blueprints as we go. I sympathize with those new fathers, as my father was killed when I was a toddler, so my sense of fathers came from observation and TV. It is to the good that fathers share more in domestic life as well as serve as models for public life. Paired with maternal care,  a father's urging to dust yourself off and try again helps instill confidence and competence in children. Men are enamored of the quest. That can get transmuted into encouraging a child's potential, seeking out a weed that defies a manicured lawn, or the perfect piece of golf equipment that will help cure a swing.

I tend to think that Joseph was an extraordinary father to Jesus, and that explains his ease in speaking of God as father. He could speak of god a a father giving good gifts. Other biblical fathers, be it the generational psychodrama of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob or the failures of David present us with identifiable human realities. For any of us, growing up is learning to separate from one's parents, deciding what to keep and what to run from, and yet continue to bond with them. I like the posts on facebook with old pictures and kind thoughts gracing the pages. many fathers are simultaneously embarrassed and touched with the attention.

Some wonderful books continue to stream out on family life. The talented song writer and singer Rodney Crowell has a fine memoir of his family, open, honest, and deeply loving.    (available at the library). His former spouse, Rosanne Cash has  an equally wonderful memoir that touches on her own father, often a counter to her mother's anxieties. . It took a while, but she recorded some songs from a list he made her of around 100 basic American recordings.

Those of us who are older still aren't adept at speaking the language of emotion. so we hide in in things or roles and ask our children about their car or how the job's going.
gifts One of the reasons mentors have taken off is that they allow us to show younger people the ropes without the emotional hassles and expectations of family life. Look at the difference between the Springsteen intro to Independence Day on the fights over hair length or the songs Factory and the Gift. The great book flag of our Fathers uses a father in the Iwo Jima picture as the gateway to learn more about him and a whole generation. The previous generation of fathers were often a mystery ot their children, so many movies and books touch on discovering them late in life. I'm a little uncomfortable that today's more involved fathers are usually portrayed as laughingstocks on screen. Men feel pressured. The allures of the man cave offer relief from demands and pressures. Men  really do regard the home as a castle, as the place to let go of the demands of the pubic self. Sports offer clarity in a confusing world, a retreat into the serous world of play.

May the man caves truly be sanctuaries for sports, card games, beer of the month clubs and blessed peace from the demands of the world. May they be a place of laughter. May father's day be one where they truly know that they are honored, and loved.