The worst part of Christmas stress is that it is often self-imposed. With the explosion of TV channels, the Food Network gives us hours of menus we could not hope to try to emulate. Perhaps the best antidote to holiday stress is to adjust our expectations. Really, after 30 years, do you think that the in-laws will suddenly turn gracious and sane just for this one week? All of a sudden you'll find that you like Aunt Clara's carrot-cranberry noodle pudding? Do we have to accept the illusion of making a perfect Christmas? Some folks bring themselves to expect that a perfect present is possible, and then, we poor gift-givers are treated to disappointment when the wrapping is ripped away. Of course, what law requires the recipient to go overboard in the face of a present for the benefit of the giver, anyway?

 

A good way to start to move away from the self-focus of Christmas disappointment is to look outward. Consider scaling back a bit, instead of succumbing into adding to the holiday needs. Then, use the time to help the community. Consider pulling back a bit from the gift list and donating he money to, say, the Cheer Fund. If it is difficult to get into the spirit of the season, consider the arts. We've been doing a class on A Christmas Carol as a guide to spiritual life. A Christmas Treasury has lots of poems and stories to get at the moods of Christmas. Music may move us from being Scrooge to someone capable of giving and receiving holiday cheer.

 

Of course, some stressors are not self-imposed, especially holiday grief. Instead of denial or keeping the absence of the loved one unspoken, it may be wiser to admit that we miss them at this time of year. that will reduce the tendency to make the holidays another memorial service, or to allow the absence to cast the sole, heavy pall over the season. Sympathies and compassion get awakened in this season, so tears may flow more copiously than usual. In other words, if we face the absence; we don't expend a lot of psychic energy pushing it away. In spite of the loss, we can find more room inside to be able to celebrate.

 

A Biblically inspired imagination reminds us that the Holy Family must have suffered  some serious Christmas stress, before we had the word Christmas.  She takes a look at the manger and says "I guess it could be worse." Can't you hear Mary wondering aloud why they have no place to stay, or why Joseph didn't get directions to Bethlehem? Think of the pressure on these new parents to be caring for the Messiah? Tragedy,well. terror in Bethlehem, almost immediately followed the visit of the Magi in Matthew's gospel. They were forced into exile in Egypt, uncertain of when they could return home.They had an \most decidedly imperfect Christmas.

 

Maybe that is one of the lessons of the Incarnation. God's own incarnate love for us is present in a most imperfect world. Lighting a candle in the darkness is the essence of Christmas lights. Christmas is the birthday of Emmanuel, God with us, not only in joys and sorrows, in times bad or good, but with us in our own human, creaturely condition. God moves from sympathy to empathy at Christmas, for Jesus had to learn to walk before he could walk in our shoes. Christmas opens the human task of making the world of proper place for a Messiah to live, to work with that saving power to make human life worth living. God waits fr our gift, to make love clear, at least once more.